Formal or informal 'you' (tú or usted) in Spain

Key rules

• Default: Tú is the normal choice among peers, colleagues, children and most people of your own age.
• Usted: Keep usted for elderly people, officials, senior figures and formal or traditional settings.
• Who switches: The older or more senior person offers tú, and you then switch at once.
• When unsure: Start with usted and let the other person invite you to drop it.

The short answer

Use tú by default. Keep usted for older people, officials and formal settings. If you are unsure, start with usted and let the other person offer tú.

When tú is right

Tú is normal with friends, colleagues, neighbours of your own age and children. It is also normal in most workplaces, and in bars and shops with younger staff. Young people often use it even with strangers of a similar age. Nobody will think you are rude for using it in these settings.

When usted is safer

Usted is still common in these cases:

• With elderly people, especially in villages.
• In official dealings, such as with officials and police, and sometimes with doctors.
• With senior figures.
• In upscale or traditional service settings.

Regional habits are only tendencies. Usted is more common in parts of Castile and Navarre, and with neighbours or in-laws in some areas. Andalusia, the Canaries and urban Catalonia lean more towards tú. Listen to how people around you speak and follow that.

Don and doña

Don or doña plus a first name, as in "don Antonio" or "doña Carmen", is a respectful, slightly old-fashioned form. People use it for older people and for people of standing, such as doctors, teachers, priests and notaries. It often comes with usted, and you also see it in formal writing. It is more common in villages and among older speakers. Young people rarely use it, except as a joke. As a newcomer, copy it when you hear others use it for a person. You do not need to start it yourself.

Your building's portero

Residents often greet the portero (the building's concierge) by first name, usually with tú, especially after years of knowing each other. In more upmarket buildings, or with an older portero, usted is common, sometimes with don or doña. Señor or señora alone sounds stiff. A friendly "buenos días" and the first name is a safe start. Then follow what the portero uses with you.

Switching from usted to tú

The older or more senior person normally offers the switch. If you are the younger person, do not propose it first. Once tú is offered, switch straight away and do not go back to usted. The decision box and checklist below walk you through this.

Choosing between options

Should you use tú or usted with this person?

• Use usted: With elderly people, officials, police, some doctors, senior figures, and in upscale or traditional service settings.

• Start with usted and let them offer tú: When you are unsure, especially with older people, or with neighbours and in-laws in places like parts of Castile and Navarre where usted is more common.

Tú is the default; choose usted for elders, officials and formal settings, and if in doubt keep usted until the other person invites you to use tú.

Checklist

• Start with usted for an older person until they invite you to use tú.

• Wait for the older or more senior person to offer the switch, for example "podemos tutearnos" or "tutéame, por favor".

• Hold back from proposing tú first if you are the younger person speaking with an elder.

• Keep usted if you are unsure, until the other person invites you to drop it.

Frequently asked questions

What does don or doña plus a first name mean in Spain?

Don or doña plus a first name, like don Antonio or doña Carmen, is a respectful, slightly old-fashioned way to address older people or people of standing. It fits doctors, teachers, priests, notaries and landowners, and it usually goes with usted.

How should I address the portero of my building?

Greet the portero (building concierge) with a friendly buenos días and their first name. Tú is common, especially once you know each other. If the portero is older or the building is upmarket, usted, sometimes with don or doña, can fit better. Señor or señora alone sounds stiff, so follow what the portero uses with you.

How do I move from usted to tú with an older person?

Let the older or more senior person offer the switch, with phrases like "podemos tutearnos" or "tutéame, por favor".