Staying close to parents and relatives from Spain

Key rules

• Fixed slot: A fixed weekly video call beats calls arranged on the spot, especially across time zones.
• Time gap: Clock changes shift the gap by an hour for a few weeks, so check it for your actual date.
• Promises: Do not promise more calls or visits than you can keep up or afford.
• Guilt: Guilt is normal; quality of contact matters more than quantity.

Time gaps shift when clocks change in different countries, so check the gap for your specific dates before fixing a call slot.

Start with a rhythm, not good intentions

A fixed, predictable routine works better than calls squeezed in when you remember. It also takes the guilt out of the picture: once the slot exists, you have kept in touch. Most families settle on three layers:

• Daily or near-daily messages. A family group chat with photos, voice notes and short videos keeps everyone in the small moments.
• One weekly video call. Aim for 20 to 60 minutes, ideally at the weekend. Calls with children are shorter and more frequent.
• One longer call a month, plus calls for birthdays and holidays.

Expect the first year to be the most intense. After that, contact usually settles into a steady weekly slot. That is normal, not a sign of drifting apart.

Work out the time gap for your dates

Mainland Spain is on CET in winter and CEST in summer. The Canary Islands are one hour behind the mainland. Clocks change on different dates in different countries, so for a few weeks in March, October and November the gap shifts by an hour. Check the gap for the actual date before you fix a slot.

Typical gaps and call windows, in Spain time:

• UK and Ireland: one hour behind Spain all year. Any evening works.
• Netherlands, Germany, France, Italy: no gap. Any evening works.
• US East Coast: six hours behind (five in the short weeks when clocks differ). Try 15:00 to 17:00, or weekend mornings. Chicago is seven hours behind, Denver eight.
• US West Coast: nine hours behind. Try 17:00 to 19:00, when it is lunchtime for them, or weekends.
• Latin America: Mexico City is about seven hours behind. Argentina is four behind in winter and five in summer. Colombia is six behind in winter and seven in summer. Spanish evenings, 19:00 to 21:00, suit their morning or midday.
• India: 4.5 hours ahead in winter, 3.5 in summer. Try 14:00 to 17:00.
• Australia (Sydney): 9 hours ahead in the northern winter, 8 in summer. Try 07:00 to 09:00 for their evening, or weekend evenings.
• Israel: one hour ahead, with a gap of zero or two hours in the few weeks when clocks differ.
• Moscow: two hours ahead in winter, one in summer.

Agree what is realistic, together

Before or soon after the move, talk openly with your relatives about how much contact is realistic for everyone. Ask what they would enjoy, not just what you can manage. Be kind but clear about limits, and do not promise more calls or visits than you can afford. Overpromising leads to resentment later.

Give calls something to do

Open chat tires children fast. Short activities with a clear task hold their attention:

• A bedtime story read over video.
• Baking or cooking the same recipe on a call.
• Board games or online games, with the same board at both ends.
• Homework help or show-and-tell.
• Drawing, puzzles, or a family-history project.
• Watching the same film with a shared screen.

Between calls, send postcards, letters and parcels, or record voice and video messages for the children. Choose what suits your relatives' comfort with technology. A simple one-tap call beats a clever app they avoid.

Plan the next visit

Put the next visit in the calendar before the last one ends. Everyone has something to look forward to, and the gaps between calls feel shorter.

Deal with the guilt

Feeling guilty about living far away is normal. Do not try to fix it with more calls than you can keep up. Quality beats quantity. Involve relatives in your children's lives with photos and updates. If grief or guilt stays heavy, talk to a counsellor or join an expat support group.

The checklist below turns this into steps, and the questions below answer common worries.

Checklist

• Work out the time gap between Spain and your relatives' home for your dates.

• Pick a call window that suits both sides, such as evenings for Europe or the UK.

• Fix a weekly video call slot of 20 to 60 minutes, ideally at the weekend.

• Set up a family group chat for daily photos, voice notes and short videos.

• Schedule a longer monthly call or a call for birthdays and holidays.

• Choose one short shared activity with a clear task, like a bedtime story or a recipe.

• Plan the next visit in advance so everyone has something to look forward to.

• Agree only on visits you can afford, and say so kindly.

• Look for counselling or an expat support group if guilt or grief does not ease.

Frequently asked questions

What is the best time to call family in the US from Spain?

For the US East Coast, call between 15:00 and 17:00 Spain time, which is 09:00 to 11:00 there. For the US West Coast, 17:00 to 19:00 Spain time catches them at lunch. Weekends are easier for both.

How long should a weekly video call with grandparents last?

A weekly video call usually works well at 20 to 60 minutes. Calls with young children are better short and more frequent. Fixed times beat ad hoc calls, especially across time zones.

What can children and grandparents do together on a video call?

Short activities with a clear task work best, such as a bedtime story, baking the same recipe or playing a board game with the same board at both ends. Open chat loses young children quickly. Choose something the grandparents feel comfortable doing on their device.

Is it normal to feel guilty about living far from my parents?

Yes, guilt is normal after a move, and you do not need to fix it with extra calls. Aim for quality over quantity and do not promise more visits than you can afford. If the guilt or grief stays heavy, try counselling or an expat support group.