Helping a friend or neighbour you think is being abused

Key rules

• Immediate danger: Call 112 when violence is happening or danger is immediate, rather than waiting on advice.
• 016 for bystanders: You can call 016 for advice about someone else, and it can pass a risky case to the emergency services.
• No confrontation: Never confront the abuser, because it can increase the risk to her.
• Her choices: Respect her pace and keep her story private unless she agrees.

Call 112 if there is danger now

If you hear or see violence, or someone is in immediate danger, call 112, or the police on 091 or 062. Do not wait and do not try to step in yourself. 016 is not an emergency line.

Call 016 for advice

You do not have to be the one being abused to call 016. Friends, relatives, neighbours and colleagues can call to ask how to help and what resources exist. The service can also give legal and psychological guidance. If it sees risk, it passes the case to the emergency services.

The decision block below helps you choose between 112 and 016.

How to support her

Your role is to be a safe person for her, not to fix things.

• Listen without judging. Believe her and let her go at her own pace.
• Share information about the help available to her.
• Help her keep evidence, such as messages or photos, if she wants.
• Go with her to appointments if she asks you to.
• Keep in touch regularly, even if she does not say much.

Do not confront the abuser

Speaking to the abuser can raise the risk for her. Support her instead, and call 112 if you see danger.

Other things to avoid

• Do not pressure her to leave or to report.
• Do not share her story with others without her consent.
• Do not post about the case on social media.

Reporting what you saw

If you witnessed violence yourself, you can report it to the police. This is separate from her own decision about whether to report.

If she cannot speak safely

Victims of gender violence can register for the ALERTCOPS app. It sends a silent alert to the police with her location, is free, and works without speaking. You can tell her about it.

Choosing between options

Should you call 112 or 016 about someone you think is being abused?

• Call 112, or the police on 091 or 062: Violence is happening now or the person is in immediate danger.

• Call 016: You are worried but there is no immediate danger, and you want advice on how to help, on the resources available, or on legal and psychological support.

Checklist

• Call 112 if violence is happening now or the danger is immediate.

• Listen without judging, believe her and let her go at her own pace.

• Help her keep evidence and go with her to appointments if she wants you to.

• Keep in touch with her regularly.

What to watch out for

• Confronting the abuser: Confronting the abuser can raise the risk for the person you want to protect. Stay away from the abuser. Call 016 for advice, or 112 if there is danger, and support her instead.

• Pressuring her to leave or report: Pushing her to leave or report before she is ready can make her stop talking to you. Respect her pace, keep in touch and offer information on the help available.

• Sharing her story: Telling other people, or posting about her case on social media, without her consent can put her at risk. Keep what she tells you private unless she agrees, and talk it through only with 016 or the police.

• Waiting on 016 in an emergency: 016 gives advice and support but is not an emergency line, so it cannot send help to a fight in progress. If danger is immediate, call 112 or the police first, as set out in Abuse at home: first steps and the 016 helpline.

Frequently asked questions

What can 016 do when I call about a neighbour?

When you call 016 about a neighbour, the service gives you information on how to help and on the resources available. It can also offer legal and psychological guidance.

Can the person I am worried about ask for help without speaking?

Yes, the ALERTCOPS app lets her send a silent alert with her location to the police, without saying a word. The app is free, and victims of gender violence can register for it. You can tell her it exists, but let her decide whether to use it.

Can I report the violence to the police myself?

Yes, a witness can report violence to the police, even if the victim has not. If it is happening now, call 112 straight away.