Leaving an abusive partner when children are involved

Key rules

• Report first: Report the abuse promptly and tell the police or court where the children are, so leaving is not turned against you.
• Shelter: Children go into shelter with you, though some centres limit older boys.
• Custody: A complaint alone does not change custody; a protection order or criminal case can limit or suspend the other parent's rights.
• School: Children of victims get priority for places, including mid-year, and your address can be kept confidential.
• Lawyer: Get a free victim's lawyer to check your case before moving to another region or abroad.

Can you take the children with you?

Usually yes, if no court has decided on custody and the other parent shares parental authority. But leaving without telling anyone has risks. The other parent could file a complaint for "sustracción de menores" (taking a child) or "abandono de familia" (abandoning the family), or ask the court to order the children back.

Reporting the abuse promptly is your best protection. If you leave because of a real risk, the report shows that the risk justified leaving.

Do it in this order:

1. Report the abuse to the police or a court.
2. Tell the court or police where the children are staying.
3. Ask for a protection order that includes provisional custody measures for the children.
4. Ask for a free lawyer for victims.
5. Call 016 or contact social services to arrange shelter and support.

Moving within Spain is easier to justify than moving abroad. Have a lawyer check your case before you move to another region or leave the country. Each case is judged on its own facts.

Will the children be accepted in a shelter?

Yes. Shelters are designed for women with their minor children, and the law recognises your children as victims too. The centres give children educational and psychological support.

Boys are generally admitted. Some centres limit older boys, often at around 16 to 18, and the limit varies by centre and region. If a centre cannot take your teenage son, an alternative is arranged. Ask about this when you call 016 or social services.

Will a complaint make you lose custody?

No. A complaint alone does not change custody automatically. What changes things is a protection order or a criminal case against the other parent. The judge can then:

• limit or suspend the other parent's visits
• suspend their custody and parental authority
• order supervised visits at a "punto de encuentro familiar" (a supervised meeting centre)

Since a 2021 reform, a court cannot grant joint custody, and in practice visits, while a parent is being prosecuted for gender violence against the other parent or the children. There are only limited exceptions. A final conviction can also bring a ban on approaching you and the loss of parental authority. What the judge decides depends on the case.

Schooling after you move

Your children can start a new school in the middle of the year. Children of victims have priority for places outside the normal enrolment period. Victims also get extra points or reserved places in the admissions scale.

To claim this, show proof of victim status to the school or the regional education office. This can be the protection order, a court or prosecutor report, or a social-services report. Ask for your new address to be kept confidential. The school records move between schools through the school-records system. Forms and procedure differ by region, so ask the regional education office what applies where you are going.

Use the decision, checklist and questions below to plan your next steps.

Choosing between options

Should you take the children with you when you leave?

• Take the children and go to a shelter: You are at risk and there is no court decision on custody. Shelters are designed for women with their minor children, and the children get educational and psychological support.

• Take the children and report the abuse first: You can reach the police, a court or 016 quickly. Reporting promptly protects you from a complaint for taking the children, and you can ask for provisional custody measures.

• Get legal advice before moving far: You plan to move to another region or abroad, or a custody order already exists. A free lawyer for victims can assess your case first.

If there is no custody order and you are fleeing real risk, you may generally take the children, but report the abuse promptly and tell the court or police where they are.

Checklist

• Report the abuse promptly to the police or a court, so the risk to you and your children justifies leaving.

• Ask for a free lawyer for victims, and have them check your case before any move to another region or abroad.

• Ask the school to keep your new address confidential and to transfer your children's school records.

Frequently asked questions

Can my teenage son go into a shelter with me?

Usually yes, but some centres limit older boys, often around age 16 to 18, and the limit varies by centre. If your son is too old for the centre, the staff arrange an alternative for him. Ask about this when you first call or meet social services.

Will reporting abuse make me lose custody of my children?

No, a complaint alone does not change custody. If a protection order or criminal case follows, the judge can limit or suspend the other parent's visits, or order supervised visits at a family meeting point (punto de encuentro familiar). Joint custody is generally not allowed while that parent is being prosecuted for violence against you or the children.

Can my children start a new school in the middle of the year?

Yes, children of abuse victims have priority for a school place outside the normal enrolment period.

Is moving to another region with my children easier to defend than moving abroad?

Yes, a move within Spain is easier to justify than a move abroad, especially if you report the abuse promptly.