Making counselling work for a couple living abroad

Key rules

• Language: Pick the language in which both of you can express emotion, not just the one you can get by in.
• Online from home: Ask the therapist and their insurer whether treating a client living in Spain is permitted and covered before you start.
• Credentials: Check the colegiado number, fees and whether sessions are in person or by video before booking.
• Safety: If you fear your partner or feel controlled, call 016 (free, confidential, open 24 hours, many languages), or 112 in an emergency.

Start with language, licensing and logistics

Your best format depends on three things: the language you can both use to talk about feelings, whether the therapist is allowed to treat you where you live, and what fits your diary and budget. Work through them in that order.

Local therapist in Spanish

This suits you if both of you speak good Spanish. A local therapist understands daily life in Spain and the culture around you, and fees can be lower in some cases. If only one of you is fluent, the other will struggle to express emotion, and that defeats the purpose.

Bilingual or English-speaking therapist in Spain

This removes the language barrier, and these therapists understand the stress of moving abroad. Choice is smaller, mostly in big cities and coastal expat areas, and fees are often higher.

To find one:

• Use the language filters on online directories of health professionals.
• Search for "couples therapy in English" (or German, French and so on) with your city name.
• Ask the regional psychologists' college (Colegio Oficial de Psicología), expat networks, your embassy's list of professionals and international school parent groups.

Before booking, confirm the therapist's colegiado number, how fluent they are on emotional topics, their fees, and whether sessions are in person or by video.

Online with a therapist from your home country

You share a language, and you may already have a relationship with the therapist. The downsides are time zones and a weaker grasp of life in Spain.

The bigger issue is licensing. No Spain-wide rule clearly allows or bans a foreign therapist treating a client who lives in Spain. Licensing generally follows where the client is, and many home regulators limit practice to clients in their own country. Some therapists only take clients who are physically at home. Ask the therapist, their licensing board and their insurer whether treating a client living in Spain is permitted and covered. Do this before your first session.

Get more out of any format

• Agree your goals together at the start.
• Use the language in which you can both express emotion.
• Attend consistently and do the exercises between sessions.
• Check credentials.
• Review progress after a few sessions and switch if it is not working.

When to get help sooner

Seek professional help if the same fights repeat without resolution, if either of you feels unsafe, or if mood, sleep or work suffer. Contempt, days of silence, repeated talk of separation, heavy drinking, or conflict that has not eased after about 6 months are also signs it has gone beyond ordinary stress.

If you fear your partner or feel controlled, call 016 (free, confidential, open 24 hours, many languages), or 112 in an emergency. Couples counselling is not the right first step in that situation.

The decision guide and quick answers below cover how to choose and common questions.

Choosing between options

Local, bilingual or online from home?

Which kind of couples counselling suits you while you live in Spain?

• Local therapist in Spanish: Choose this if both of you speak Spanish well enough to express feelings, not just handle daily life. It gives you insight into life in Spain and can cost less.

• Bilingual or English-speaking therapist in Spain: Choose this if one or both of you cannot express emotion well in Spanish. There is no language barrier and the therapist understands expat stress.

• Online with a therapist from your home country: Choose this if you already have a therapist you trust and share their language. Before you book, ask the therapist and their licensing board whether they may treat a client living in Spain and whether their insurance covers it. Some only see clients who are physically in the home country. Also check that time zones suit you, and remember they may know little about life in Spain.

Start with language: pick the format in which both of you can express emotion. Then check licensing: a therapist in Spain should have a colegiado number, and a therapist abroad must be allowed to treat you while you live in Spain. Finally check logistics: fees, time zone, and whether sessions are in person or by video.

Quick answers about counselling and relationship strain

Can I get couples therapy through Spanish public healthcare?

No, public healthcare does not offer couples therapy as a defined service, so most couples go private. Your GP can refer you to the community mental health unit only if there is a clinical need such as depression or anxiety. Some town or regional family guidance services offer relationship counselling, and they vary by area.

Can my therapist back home treat me online while I live in Spain?

Maybe, but no Spain-wide rule clearly allows or bans it, so ask before you book.

Is more arguing normal in the first months after moving abroad?

Yes, more arguing in the first 6 to 18 months is common and usually counts as normal adjustment stress. It tends to ease as routines settle. Typical triggers are one partner feeling isolated, money worries and an unequal household load.

How many sessions of couples therapy will we need?

Most couples need roughly 8 to 26 sessions, depending on the approach and the problem. Many private therapists work in a block of 6 to 12 weekly or fortnightly sessions, then review. Crisis issues such as infidelity often take longer.