Children's emotional adjustment

It is for anyone considering, planning or carrying out a move to Spain with children. You will know what to expect from your children at each age and stage, what helps, and when to seek professional help.

Start with "What is normal at each age when a child moves to Spain". It shows you the typical reactions and timelines for toddlers, primary-age children and preteens, so you can judge everything else against them. From there, move on to the articles on telling and preparing your children, or go straight to "Normal adjustment or a sign your child needs help?" if something already worries you.

Key rules

• When to get help: Raise concerns with the tutor after 2 to 3 weeks of persistent difficulty, and see the pediatra if there is no improvement by about 6 to 8 weeks or things are getting worse.
• Settling time: Most children settle emotionally within about 3 to 6 months of the move, and a full sense of belonging often takes 6 to 12 months.
• Telling children: Tell children once the decision is firm, usually 2 to 4 months before departure and no later than about 6 to 8 weeks.
• Urgent help: Any talk of self-harm, hopelessness or suicide needs urgent help the same day: call 112 in an emergency.
• Timing: Tell the children yourselves, before friends or social media do.
• No vote: Do not put the move itself to a vote; offer choices within the decision.

Children's emotional adjustment: the whole process, step by step

• Tell your children once the decision is firm: 2 to 4 months before departure, and no later than about 6 to 8 weeks. Read: How and when to tell your children you are moving to Spain (earliest 120 days before planned arrival; latest 56 days before planned arrival)

• Plan goodbyes, comfort objects, a language preview and a realistic picture of daily life, and contact the school: In the months before you leave. Read: Preparing children before leaving with goodbyes and realistic expectations

• Expect first reactions, which differ by age and are normal at first: In the first weeks after arrival. Read: What is normal at each age when a child moves to Spain; for under-sixes also Babies, toddlers and preschoolers settling in Spain

• Support routines, activities and outdoor life outside school: From the first weeks, and through the first summer's heat. Read: Helping your child adjust to Spain beyond the classroom

• Raise concerns with the tutor if difficulty persists: After 2 to 3 weeks of persistent difficulty. Read: When your child cries or refuses to go to school in Spain

• Check the warning signs and see the pediatra if there is no improvement or things get worse: By about 6 to 8 weeks. Read: Normal adjustment or a sign your child needs help?

• Review progress at the first parents' meeting and the first report: September or October for the meeting, and before Christmas for the first report. Read: How long to give it when your child's adjustment is not improving

• Support a child who misses friends and home, and a sibling who struggles differently: Mood dips often appear around weeks 4 to 12. Read: Helping a child who misses friends and home; One sibling thrives and another struggles after the move

• Look for one or two real friends: Usually within 2 to 4 months; teenagers often need 6 months or more

• Expect most children to settle emotionally, and a full sense of belonging later: Most settle within 3 to 6 months, and belonging often takes 6 to 12 months

• Agree how to handle different parenting norms and partners' views: Throughout the first year. Read: Spanish parenting norms and what to do when partners disagree

Documents you may need

• Proof of address in the school's area — Preparing children before leaving with goodbyes and realistic expectations

• A translation of the school records — Preparing children before leaving with goodbyes and realistic expectations

• School records from your child's current school — Preparing children before leaving with goodbyes and realistic expectations

Children's emotional adjustment: questions that cross several articles

What should I tell my children about daily life in Spain?

Tell them Spain is a place to live, not a holiday: school has a fixed timetable, lessons are mostly in Spanish, and the first months can be tiring. Meals and bedtimes are later than in northern Europe or the UK, and the beach is not an everyday event.

What does a typical Spanish school day look like for my child?

A typical school day is set by region and school: in jornada continua, classes run about 9:00 to 14:00, while in jornada partida there is a lunch break of about two hours and classes until 16:00 or 17:00. See Preparing children before leaving with goodbyes and realistic expectations.

Does Spanish summer heat affect children's mood and sleep?

Yes, heat in July and August in central and southern Spain can make children tired, irritable and short of sleep, along with later evening life. Keep a fixed bedtime, use blackout blinds and fans, and keep outdoor play for the evening. Read "Helping your child adjust to Spain beyond the classroom" and "Babies, toddlers and preschoolers settling in Spain".

How long should I wait before acting if my child is still struggling?

Raise it with the tutor after 2 to 3 weeks of persistent difficulty, and see the pediatra if there is no improvement by about 6 to 8 weeks. Settling takes longer for language and friendships, up to about a term. Read "Normal adjustment or a sign your child needs help?" and "How long to give it when your child's adjustment is not improving".

How long does it take for my child to feel settled in Spain?

Most children settle emotionally within 3 to 6 months, and a full sense of belonging often takes 6 to 12 months. Teenagers, and children who moved against their wishes, can take longer. Read "What is normal at each age when a child moves to Spain" and "One sibling thrives and another struggles after the move".