When your child cries or refuses to go to school in Spain

Terms used

• Tutor — The tutor is your child's class teacher, your first contact at the school for any worry.
• Tutoría — A tutoría is a meeting with your child's tutor.
• Orientador — The orientador is the school's counsellor or psychologist, who assesses children and advises families and teachers.
• Comedor — The comedor is the school lunch service, usually paid monthly.
• Pediatra — The pediatra is the children's doctor at your local health centre.
• Centro de salud — The centro de salud is your local public health centre.
• Jefe de estudios — The jefe de estudios is the secondary school officer who handles conduct, coexistence and bullying.
• Inspección educativa — The inspección educativa is the regional education authority that oversees schools and hears unresolved complaints.

Key rules

• Tutor first: Raise concerns with the tutor after 2 to 3 weeks of persistent difficulty.
• Pediatra: See the pediatra if there is no improvement by about 6 to 8 weeks or things are getting worse.
• Bullying: Take bullying or safety concerns straight to the school head, not through the slow route.
• Keep attending: Keeping your child at home tends to strengthen avoidance.
• Danger: Any talk of self-harm needs help at once.

Start with a calm routine, and send your child to school

Tears at the school gate are common in the first weeks. Your best response is calm, predictable and brief. Keeping your child at home tends to strengthen the avoidance, so try to get them to school even on hard days.

The checklist below sets out the morning steps. In short: start early so nobody rushes, name the feeling in simple words without arguing, and use the same goodbye every day. Then hand your child to the teacher and leave confidently. Talk with your child afterwards about what is worrying them.

Tell the tutor early

Your first contact is the tutor, the class teacher. Ask for a tutoría meeting through the school's platform, the agenda (the school notebook) or by email. Tell the tutor what you see at home and ask what they see in class.

Look for patterns together. Common causes are bullying, difficulty with the language, or one particular lesson. The day's length can matter too. Ask the school about its hours, early-morning care and comedor, the school lunch service. Hours are set by each region and school. Primary schools often run about 9:00 to 14:00 (jornada continua). Others have a long lunch break and afternoon classes (jornada partida). Secondary usually runs about 8:00 or 8:30 to 14:30 or 15:00.

Bring in the orientador

If the difficulty continues, the tutor involves the departamento de orientación. The orientador is the school's counsellor or psychologist. They assess your child and advise you and the teachers. In primary schools this work is often done by an outside team (the EOEP). You can ask for this meeting yourself; you do not have to wait to be offered it.

Raise concerns with the tutor after 2 to 3 weeks of persistent difficulty. If your child refuses to go for more than a couple of weeks, or has physical symptoms, ask for a meeting with the tutor and the orientador. Also see the pediatra.

When to go beyond the school

See the pediatra at your centro de salud if there is no improvement by about 6 to 8 weeks, or if things are getting worse. Go sooner if the signs are severe. Examples:

• refusing to attend most days
• daily crying or panic
• stomach aches or headaches with no medical cause
• disrupted sleep or appetite
• withdrawal

The pediatra can refer your child to child mental health services.

Bullying, safety and emergencies

Do not follow the slow route for bullying or a safety concern. Go straight to the school head (dirección). In secondary school, the jefe de estudios handles conduct and bullying. Suspected bullying is dealt with under the school's convivencia protocol. If it is not resolved, go to the regional education inspectorate (inspección educativa).

If your child talks about self-harm, or you think they are in danger, get help at once. Do not wait for meetings.

Role names and procedures differ by region and school, so ask the school office who does what.

The decision, timeline, warning and FAQ blocks below cover the options in more detail.

Choosing between options

Where should you take your child's school distress now?

• Stay with the tutor: The crying is mild or recent and you are following a calm morning routine.

• Add the orientador: The difficulty continues, so the tutor involves the school's guidance counsellor.

• Go to the pediatra: There is no improvement within a few weeks of working with the school, or the signs are serious, such as stomach aches with no medical cause.

• Go to the school head and the inspectorate: Bullying or a safety concern is involved and the school has not resolved it.

Start with the tutor and the orientador. Move to the pediatra if distress is intense or worsening after about 4 to 6 weeks, or sooner if it is severe. Bullying or danger goes straight to the school head.

Timeline and deadlines

• Talk to the tutor and the school's orientador about the distress: from the first signs of persistent difficulty

• See the pediatra at the centro de salud if there is no improvement after talking to the school: within a few weeks of starting with the school

• Go straight to the school head for bullying or safety concerns: as soon as you notice them

• Seek help at once if the signs are severe: sooner than 4 to 6 weeks, without waiting

Checklist

• Keep the morning routine predictable and start early to avoid rushing.

• Offer a small choice, such as which clothes to wear.

• Walk to school with the same goodbye ritual every day.

• Tell the tutor and look for patterns such as bullying, language difficulty or one particular lesson.

• Book a meeting with the tutor and the orientador if refusal lasts beyond a couple of weeks or physical symptoms appear.

What to watch out for

• Keeping your child at home: Keeping a child at home on hard mornings tends to strengthen avoidance, so the refusal usually gets worse. Stay calm, keep the routine and take your child to school, then talk to the tutor about what is worrying them.

• Waiting too long when distress is intense: Daily crying or panic, refusing most days, stomach aches or headaches with no medical cause, sleep or appetite changes, or withdrawal can last if nobody acts. Start with the tutor and the orientador, then go to the pediatra at the centro de salud if there is no improvement within a few weeks.

• Bullying or a safety concern: Bullying or danger should not wait for the usual steps. Go straight to the school head (dirección).

• Any talk of self-harm: Any talk of self-harm, hopelessness or suicide needs urgent help the same day. Call 112 in an emergency.

Frequently asked questions

Who at the school should I talk to first if my child keeps crying?

Your first contact is the tutor, your child's class teacher. Ask for a tutoría meeting through the school's platform, agenda or email. If the difficulty continues, the tutor brings in the orientador, the school's counsellor or psychologist.

Who handles bullying at a Spanish secondary school?

In secondary school, the jefe de estudios handles bullying, conduct and coexistence issues. Serious complaints go to the director. Suspected bullying follows the school's convivencia protocol, so ask the tutor how it starts.

Does the length of the school day affect how my child settles?

Yes, the school day can matter, because hours differ between schools. Continuous days (jornada continua) run about 9:00 to 14:00, while split days (jornada partida) have a break of about two hours and afternoon classes.

Can the pediatra help if my child gets stomach aches before school?

Yes, the pediatra at the centro de salud can check stomach aches or headaches and refer your child to child mental health services if needed.