How and when to tell your children you are moving to Spain

Key rules

• Timing: Tell the children yourselves, before friends or social media do.
• No vote: Do not put the move itself to a vote; offer choices within the decision.
• Teenagers: Teenagers should hear as soon as the decision is final, often 3 to 6 months ahead.
• Toddlers: Toddlers need a shorter lead of a few weeks, repeated often.
• Real picture: Describe daily life in Spain, not a holiday.

Tell them once the decision is firm

Tell your children once the decision is firm, usually 2 to 4 months before departure and no later than about 6 to 8 weeks. Do it yourselves, before the news reaches them through friends or social media. The timeline below shows the order by age.

Say it in words that fit their age

Repeat the message often.

Primary-age children. Give a clear reason for the move, a timeline and honest answers. Name what will change (school, language, friends) and what stays the same (family, pets, routines). Let them be sad.

Teenagers. Explain your reasons and how you decided, respectfully. Acknowledge the loss of friends and social life. Plan how they will keep in touch with friends. Do not dismiss anger as a phase.

Give real choices, not a vote

Do not offer a vote on the move itself. It creates false hope and later guilt. Offer choices that are truly theirs:

• Which toys, books or belongings travel in their own box.
• How to decorate their new room, or the colour of the bedding.
• Which of two suitable neighbourhoods or schools to visit first, if both are real options.
• What the goodbye party looks like.
• Which Spanish-themed activity to try first, and who to video call each week.

Teenagers can also research clubs, sports and activities, and help choose a bedroom. Avoid fake choices. Avoid promises you cannot keep, such as a pledge that the family will move back if they hate it.

Replace the holiday picture with the real one

Spain will be a place to live, not a holiday. Tell them:

• School runs on a fixed daily timetable. Lessons are mostly in Spanish, or in the regional language (Catalan, Valencian, Basque or Galician) in some regions. Homework and exams still apply.
• The first months can be tiring and confusing because they will not understand everything. Most children pick up conversational Spanish within months. Academic language takes longer, and schools often offer some extra support.
• Meals and bedtimes tend to be later than in northern Europe or the UK. Many families eat dinner around 9pm, though children's schedules vary.
• Summers are very hot in much of the country. Winters can be cold and damp in the north and the interior. The beach is not an everyday event for most families.
• Friends take time to make, and hard days are normal.

The questions below cover common worries, including school and voting.

Timeline and deadlines

• Make the decision firm before telling anyone: before you tell the children

• Tell teenagers as soon as the decision is final: often 3 to 6 months before departure

• Tell primary-age children and start talking about what changes: 2 to 3 months before departure

• Tell toddlers and preschoolers, then repeat the message often: a few weeks before departure

Frequently asked questions

Can my children vote on whether we move?

No, once the move is decided, do not offer a vote on the move itself, because it creates false hope and later guilt. Offer bounded choices instead, such as what travels in their own box, how to decorate their new room or who to video call each week. Avoid promises you cannot keep, like "you can go back if you hate it".

What can I say to a toddler about the move?

Use one short, concrete sentence, such as "You will live in a new house in a new country, and your toys and family come too." Repeat it often with picture books and photos of the new home, because toddlers have little sense of time.

Should I tell my teenager earlier than my younger children?

Yes, tell a teenager as soon as the decision is final, often 3 to 6 months ahead, so they have time to process it and say goodbye. Explain the reasons respectfully, include them in planning such as researching their new area, and do not dismiss their anger as a phase.