Helping a child who misses friends and home

Terms used

• Pediatra — The pediatra is a children's doctor, usually the first person to ask about a child's emotional or health worries.
• Campamentos urbanos — Campamentos urbanos are day camps in town, run in school holidays, usually booked by the week or fortnight.
• AMPAs — AMPAs are parents' associations at a school, which often organise activities and camps.
• Pueblo — A pueblo is a village or small town, where many Spanish families spend the summer.

Key rules

• Feelings: Accept your child's sadness without rushing to fix it; it usually eases over months.
• Old friends: Schedule regular calls that fit both time zones, but not so much that they block new friendships.
• Anger: Set limits on behaviour, not on feelings.
• Summer: Book camps early, from spring, because schools close from late June to early or mid September.
• Getting help: Ask the pediatra or a child psychologist if sadness is intense or anger turns to aggression or lasts for months.

Missing home is normal, so treat it that way

Your child has lost friends, home, routines, language and a sense of who they are, all at once. They had little say in it. Sadness is a sign of attachment, and it usually eases over months.

Here is what helps:

• Name the feeling and accept it. Say "You miss your friends, and that's hard." Don't rush to fix it, and avoid "you'll be fine".
• Keep routines. Regular meals, bedtimes and family time give a steady base.
• Give them ways to express it. Let them talk, draw or write about it.
• Keep links with the past. Photos and a memory box help. Let them make their room their own.
• Be positive but honest about Spain. Don't pretend it is all easy.
• Show your own coping. Children copy how you handle change.

If sadness is intense or does not lift, ask for help from your child's pediatra or a child psychologist.

Keep old friendships going

Schedule video calls at times that suit both time zones. Within Europe the gap is 0 to 2 hours. For the Americas it is 5 to 9 hours, so weekends or after-school slots work best.

Other ways to stay close:

• shared online games
• messaging and voice notes
• a shared photo album
• letters and parcels
• watching a film together while on a call

Plan visits in school holidays and let friends stay with you. Supervise apps that suit your child's age. Keep contact regular, but not so dominant that it blocks new friendships.

When your child is angry with you

Anger is often grief or fear in disguise. The move wasn't their choice. Listen and acknowledge the feeling without defending the decision or arguing.

• Explain your reasons in terms that fit their age.
• Offer choices where you can, such as decorating a room or picking an activity.
• Set limits on behaviour, not on feelings.
• Stay calm and consistent, and don't take it personally.

If anger turns into aggression or lasts for months, talk to the pediatra or a child psychologist.

Easing loneliness in the summer

Schools close from late June to early or mid September. Many local families travel or head to the coast or a pueblo in July and August, so new friends may be away.

Options for your child:

• Campamentos urbanos: day camps run by town halls, schools, AMPAs, sports clubs and academies, usually by the week or fortnight.
• Other camps: residential camps, language or sports camps, scouts, and summer courses at municipal sports centres.
• Local activities: public pools, swimming courses, and library or cultural centre programmes.
• Playdates you arrange yourself, plus regular contact with old friends.

Camps are a good way to practise Spanish and meet children. Book early, from spring. Prices and places vary by town, so ask your town hall or your child's school what is on offer.

The questions below cover call timing, summer ideas, anger and when to get help. If your child says they want to go home, see the "What if" box below.

What if my child says they want to go home?

A child who says they want to go home is usually grieving, not making a demand. This page is for parents and covers how to answer honestly and kindly, and which signs mean it is more than homesickness.

How to answer a child who wants to go home

Treat it as grief first. Don't promise to go back, and don't brush it off. Start by naming the feeling: "You miss home, and that's hard."

Then get specific:

• Ask what exactly they miss. It might be a friend, a room, a food or a feeling of belonging. The answer tells you what to work on.
• Avoid "you'll be fine" and "you'll get used to it". They close the conversation.
• Don't argue the case for Spain in the moment. Listen first.

Turn the feeling into a plan

A concrete plan helps more than comfort alone.

• Set up regular calls with old friends.
• Fix a date for a visit, even a rough one.
• Add one new thing to look forward to in Spain.

Stay steady and positive about life in Spain, and be honest that some of it is hard. Reassure your child about the future without making promises you can't keep.

This kind of homesickness often comes in waves during the first months. It is a sign of attachment, not a sign the move has failed.

When it points to a deeper problem

Watch for these signs:

• The same request, over and over, months into the move.
• Low mood, irritability or anxiety that doesn't lift.
• Refusing school, or panic at separation, on most days.
• Withdrawing from people and play.
• Stomach aches, headaches or other physical complaints with no medical cause.
• Big changes in sleep or appetite, or a return to bedwetting or clinginess.

If difficulty lasts 2 to 3 weeks, raise it with your child's tutor and the school's orientador/a. If there is no improvement by about 6 to 8 weeks, or things are getting worse, see the pediatra.

Talk of self-harm needs help the same day

If your child talks about hurting themselves, feeling hopeless or ending their life, get help that same day. In an emergency, call 112.

Frequently asked questions

What is the best time for video calls with old friends in another country?

Weekends or after-school slots usually work best, especially if your old friends are in the Americas. Within Europe the time difference is only 0 to 2 hours, but for the Americas it is 5 to 9 hours. Keep calls regular, but not so often that they get in the way of making new friends.

What can my child do in the long summer break if new friends are away?

Sign your child up for a campamento urbano, a day camp run by town halls, schools, parents' associations (AMPAs), sports clubs or academies, usually by the week or fortnight. Schools close from late June to early or mid September, and many local families leave in July and August. Camps need booking from spring, so look early. Public pools, library activities and playdates also help.

Why is my child angry at me about the move?

Your child is probably angry because the move was not their choice and they lost friends, familiar places and language skills. The anger is often grief or fear in disguise. Listen without arguing, give choices where you can (such as how to decorate their room), and set limits on behaviour, not on feelings.

When should I get help for my child's anger?

Ask the pediatra or a child psychologist for help if the anger turns to aggression or lasts for months. Until then, stay calm and consistent, and try not to take it personally.